Okay, I fell down a rabbit hole that started with my coffee maker dying and ended with me accidentally becoming a warranty researcher.
It began with the realization that every appliance I've bought in the past three years has broken exactly one year after purchase. Every. Single. One.
So I made a dramatic vow to myself: Never again would I spend real money on something that couldn't back itself up with an actual promise. (unless it was from a small business)
What followed was 2 am research sessions, spreadsheets I'm embarrassed to admit I enjoyed making, and phone calls to customer service reps who probably think I'm unhinged.
The result: